What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?
Last Updated: 02.07.2025 17:44
At least until the peyote kicks in ...
Marijuana makes Jesus cry!
Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.
In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …
After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.
Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!
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Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.
Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.
Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.
Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.
Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)
And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...
Nam eos consequatur amet quis qui dolorem optio.
Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!
Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority
Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!
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But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!
In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …
Make Nazis afraid again!
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“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”
Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?
I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.
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Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.
Shameless vixen! Trollop!
TEXT:
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Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!
Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!
Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.
Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.
Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …
¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!
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I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.
Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.
Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.
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And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.